Guns and Horses
Guns and Horses is a television show in Cyberpunk 2077.
You know that feeling when you get thrown back into your seat and your eyes start tearin' up? You know what I mean – the experience of pure, unadulterated speed! If achieving that isn't your goal in life, then you might as well just change the channel.
— The show's host, Guns and Horses
Overview
Airing on the World News Service, Guns and Horses, as the name implies, is a program which reviews firearms and automobiles, describing the features of the subject along with their pros and cons.
Viewers of the show chose the ARCH Nazaré as their favorite motorcycle for two years in a row, and have considered the Quadra Type-66 as the sexiest-looking car.
The Kang Tao G-58 Dian has made the most appearances on the show's all time rankings.
Products Reviewed
Darra Polytechnic DR-12 Quasar
In this episode, the host takes a closer look at the Darra Polytechnic DR-12 Quasar pistol, highlighting its unique electromagnetic firing mechanism and unconventional design.[1]
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Gunpowder cartridges these days, am I right? Loud, clunky, and a recoil that'll snap your wrist... You know what I'm gettin' at, right? Maybe, just maybe, it's time to try somethin' new. Today I wanna tell y'all about Darra Polytechnic's flagship product, the electromagnetic DR-12 Quasar pistol. Now, I don't usually talk shop on Darra, 'cause, well, they don't have much of a selection. After all, they're an R&D company that makes its bread and butter from patent-licensing. I know, right? Booooriiiing! But when they DO manufacture a gun, it's almost always to showcase some fancy tech gimmick, which makes 'em preem, granted, but also unreliable and rough 'round the edges. The exception is Darra's handgun line. The first to hit the stores was called the Nova, 'cept with standard g-powder cartridges there was nothin' nova 'bout it. But the Quasar? Hahaha, now that's a whole 'nother ball game. The first thing you'll notice about the Quasar is the weird shape of the receiver – as if it was an assembly line error. But surprisingly, it's a really snug fit. Just, uh... don't expect to find a matching holster anytime soon. Hahaha! On top of that, it's got this old-timey drum magazine that's a clear throwback to the Depression-era outlaws and bank robbers of last century. Here's the twist, though – the drum mag isn't loaded with bullets, but with birdshot. Yeah, you heard me! Now, I know what you're thinkin' – birdshot? The thing you used to shoot clay pigeons at the shooting range with your pops? Have the great minds at Darra finally gone cuckoo? Well, birdshot's still the same ol' birdshot, yeah, but it's the projectile speed that's turning heads. See, hidden inside the Quasar's barrel are four electroconductive rails. Now, put two opposing electromagnetic fields inside the cylinder, load your birdshot, run a current through the rails... And BAM! Hahaha! You've just blasted straight through a solid lead surface half an inch thick. Now, how do I know that? 'Cause I tried it myself! Hahaha! Pulling a trigger never felt so good in my life. 'Course, a curiosity like this has gotta come with its downsides. If your battery dies mid-shootout, the Quasar'll be about as useful to you as an industrial stapler. The quality of the components also doesn't impress. The Quasar's frame is made from cheap plastic, but hey, heheheh, at least that means it won't be much more pricey than a bottle of good Japanese whiskey. But aside from all that, I'd ask myself one question – why the hell not? Hahaha! Go get your Quasar in any firearm store and see for yourself. That's it for today, folks. And remember, stay loaded! |
Midnight Arms SOR-22
This episode features the Midnight Arms SOR-22, a powerful semi-automatic rifle nicknamed "Elephant".[2]
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You know the expression, "Having the last laugh?" Imagine you're a gun manufacturer, and the NUSA and the Free States are on the brink of an all-out war. What do you do? You do what Midnight Arms did – release a weapon that completely tilts the playing field. Right now you're lookin' at the semi-automatic Sor-22 rifle. If you think this beast looks more like a tank gun than a rifle, then you're SOR-ely mistaken, hahaha… That being said, ballistics testing has so far revealed that the Sor-22's firepower is on par with the Arasaka Aka-ashi. That means the Sor-22 also has a similar recoil, so if you haven't got a full titanium endoskeletal implant and carbon-fiber muscle weaves, don't even TRY to handle this sonofabitch. Whoever made this clearly had just two things on their mind – mass production and war. That means it's gotta be solid and reliable. Comfort and portability are not on the checklist. I've been in just about every kind of weather condition with the Sor-22 – torrential rain, sandstorms, heatwaves, you name it – and it's never jammed on me, not even once. Haha, and you can tell the Sor-22's creators were dead serious with this thing, 'cause the instructions are as captivating as a–a washing machine manual. This thing is no-nonsense. The obvious downside to this goliath is, well, its size. Soldiers've already nicknamed it the "Elephant." Couldn't've come up with a better name myself. So if you wanna know what it's like to hold a real lead-cannon in your hands, there's only one true contender. The Sor-22 is available in all firearm stores. And remember, stay loaded! |
Quadra Type-66
This episode covers the Quadra Type-66, a high-performance vehicle with 550 horsepower and difficult handling.[3]
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You know that feeling when you get thrown back into your seat and your eyes start tearin' up? You know what I mean – the experience of pure, unadulterated speed! If achieving that isn't your goal in life, then you might as well just change the channel. And if it is, well, lemme tell you about the Quadra Type-66. The meanest, leanest, sleekest machine this world has ever seen. And wait 'til I tell you what's hidin' underneath that gorgeous body. We're talkin' three hundred seventy engine, five hundred and fifty horsepower, and four hundred and thirty foot pounds of torque. With that kinda power at your feet, a split-second is all it takes to spin outta control. Every little micro-adjustment counts. The only thing stopping this baby from flying off the tarmac is a grade-A driver, or the right implants. Lucky for us, the Quadra Type-66 is compatible with most firmware on the market. And oh my, the interior – you would almost think you're sitting in a fighter jet instead of a car... Except even a fighter jet's got nothin' on the Quadra in terms of style. Just look at this upholstery, at the dashboard... You can feel the designers' passion in every square inch. Now, even though the Quadra Type-66 is getting on in years, this foxy dame still routinely puts the most modern and priciest machines to shame. Think of it like a fine wine – it only gets better with age... And, heheheh, it'll still get you drunk off speed! Give the Quadra Type-66 a chance. I promise she will not disappoint. |
Rayfield Aerondight
This episode reviews the Rayfield Aerondight, a luxury supercar with 1,800 horsepower and CrystalDome technology.[4]
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Imagine you're sitting on a pile o' eddies. No wait, a room full of eddies. A swimming pool. A football stadium! Hahaha…! Now take that and multiply it by a hundred... Congratulations! Now you can afford a Rayfield Aerondight. The perfect blend of style and substance – arguably the peak of automotive luxury. The Aerondight's streamlined physique is fused with the presidential elegance of early twentieth-century limos and the feral demeanor of Italian sports cars. And yet, these features all reinforce each other. It's almost as if a new species of supercar was genetically engineered to rule over all inferior machines. One thousand eight hundred horsepower. Haha, no, you heard me right. One thousand. Eight hundred. Horsepower. The Aerondight's engine makes it the fastest street-legal car in the entire world. If you put wings on it, heheh, it'd fly off into the stratosphere. One thing you'll notice is the complete lack of windows – the Aerondight creates a projection of its surroundings on the inside thanks to CrystalDome tech. Behind the wheel, you can see everything as clear as day... but nobody can catch even a glimpse of you. Hahaha… That means if you purchase it with standard armor-plating, this British sports-limo is safer than a tank, and, as I'm sure you'd agree, offers far more panache. The Aerondight's interior also caters to the most expensive tastes imaginable – a minimalist design with backlit panels, calf's leather seats, and a cherry wood finish... Ahhh... If only I were rich. Probably less than a thousand people in the world can afford the Aerondight, and chances of one of 'em watching this show – hahahaha – are close to zero. But if you ARE watching this... Get your ass to a Rayfield showroom and put those eddies to good use! That's all for today, everyone. See you next time, or on the road. |
Mizutani Shion
This episode introduces the Mizutani Shion, a sports car built purely for speed.[5]
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Want a ride that's fit for a king without paying a king's ransom? Then I've got somethin' for you. Meet the Mizutani Shion. There are a lotta cars out there that seem to be going through an identity crisis – tryna do too much at once, like the Archer Hella or the Thorton Mackinaw. The Mizutani Shion doesn't have that problem, because it knows exactly what it is. A sports car. Period. This car's built for optimizing one thing, and one thing only – raw speed. Looking at the Shion, you can see why. You've got an aggressive, aerodynamic body that can cut through air like a knife, complete with a five-cylinder engine that's generous for this price range. Now, I know what you're gonna say – there are cars out there that've got better acceleration, higher top speed... But none of 'em have got the Shion's hyper-responsive steering and baby-smooth suspension. On the flip side, the Mizutani Shion's interior is a bit too compact for comfort and has a plastic and fiber finish. I'm also not crazy about the creaky stick shift and cheap upholstery. But let's be honest, the Shion's not a car you buy to show off your impeccable taste. You buy it to burn rubber and tear up the streets. So if you're the kinda person who wants a car to be more than a slab of metal on wheels going one-fifty, something that belongs in an art gallery, then the Mizutani Shion isn't for you. But if you want a truly dynamic machine that'll put your cred balance in the red before you've even left the dealer's, then you and the Shion'll get along just fine. That's all for today, folks. See you next time, or on the road. And remember, stay loaded. |
Notes
- The game doesn't directly state who the host of the show is, but some clues suggest it could be Jim Jarry, the street race organizer from The Beast In Me.